Monday, October 6, 2014

Rising up...

Oh lord, look who hasn't blogged forever....good thing no one follows me. : >)
Since we last checked in with our heroine.....(time to eat some crow).....

It's been almost 1 year since my bodybuilding competition. Currently, I’m battling not just a few emotions surrounding my health. I feel like I,wait.... I HAVE declined so much this last year (not just weight gain, but injury and pain, and lack of motivation). Again, 1 year since competing. Whew...a lot can happen in a year and I am eating some humble pie. This is a tough post for me, but I'm doing it for motivation and to keep it real. It’s tough for me to not feel discouraged and ashamed and embarrassed right now, but the truth is, I rebounded..BIG TIME! Those that know me, know that health and fitness are extremely important to me, and I hate it when I fall off the wagon and don’t practice what I preach. It makes me feel like a poser and I disappoint myself with my lack of commitment and discipline. I hate that feeling of letting myself down! Grrr! I hate not living up to what is so important to me! The fact that I was in the best physical condition ever, just 1 year ago, doesn’t help. I feel so much different now! My MUCH. DIFFERENT!  I don’t have the same motivation and my body is in a very different place this time (too much and too boring to go into right now), but let's just call it "age-related". I had a BIG birthday this year.
BUT….all of that being said, I’m looking forward and working really hard, mentally, to shake it off and move ahead with new goals, and I'm making my best attempt at not dwelling in the past.

There is much I have learned about fitness/health/nutrition over the years as a nurse, personal trainer, and avid spectator/researcher of all things fitness, and specifically this past year as a Figure competitor.

So here's my current plan....
…I’ve constructed a diet based on experience with very specific caloric and macronutrient ratios (based on BMR, BMI, BF% etc) and my plan is to follow it, to the T, for two weeks. I will then track my progress and modify the diet/exercise plan as necessary every two weeks depending on progress, and to not get bored with the same food choices. I will have no cheat meals or alcohol during those two weeks. It will be similar to a prep diet. If progress suits my expectations, I may add a cheat meal and 1 glass of wine, but that is yet to be determined. I will also be going back to the gym, starting today! Last gym trip was May 1. I've been doing home workouts since then, but nothing like my old routine. I must also devote time for yoga/flexibility training, focusing on opening my hips and back rehab, and.....mediation. It takes a lot of time, preparation, dedication and discipline, and requires me to NOT be LAZY!
At this point, I have a weight loss goal. As I progress I’ll have more specific goals, but for now, I just want to drop pounds (fat) and fit comfortably back into my clothes that loom in my closet like little demons! I don't have a specific competition goal, as of yet, but the door is definitely open for the possibility.

So....some of my inspiration comes from....
There is a bodybuilder pro that I follow, whom I really admire. Her name is Ava Cowan. She had an accident that left her with a serious neck injury. During her recovery, she gained about 40 lbs., couldn’t lift or do anything, got depressed etc….Once she was cleared to start exercising again, she decided she wanted to get her lifestyle back, rebuild her body and compete again. She blogged about her journey throughout the year it took her to get back. She called it “Journey Back to Strength”. It’s inspiring and that’s what I’m going to use as my motivation and my personal statement……my own “Journey Back to Strength”. Thank you, Ava!

I will have to change a lot of bad habits I allowed myself to develop over the last year, and I have some real (not perceived) challenges such as..hormonal changes (impending menopause) that make fat loss very difficult, physical pain d/t old and new injuries, and going back to work…..trying to integrate my goals into a new job, volunteering, choir schedule, and family life.
Lots of changes coming… seems big and it’s just looming around the corner.

At this moment, I am dubious about my abilities, but I also know, intellectually, that these feelings are always what happen at the start of any new endeavor, so I know after a few weeks, those feelings will abate and things will be easier and easier as the new habits develop.

The first step is always the hardest!

No comments: